1NS 088 - Surrender to Love - Sascha Illyvich - Decadent 2012-02 Read online

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Surrender to Love

  Copyright © 2012 by Sascha Illyvich

  ISBN: 978-1-61333-216-0

  Cover art by Fiona Jayde

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work, in whole or in part, in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher.

  Published by Decadent Publishing Company, LLC

  Look for us online at:

  www.decadentpublishing.com

  Also by Sascha Illyvich

  The Playground

  A 1Night Stand Story

  SURRENDER TO LOVE

  A 1Night Stand Story

  Sascha Illyvich

  ~DEDICATION~

  The real life woman this was based on,

  here's to having control of your own life.

  Chapter One

  “I want to know true freedom. I’m tired of living this life where I’m afraid all the time and I don’t feel in control.” Livia stood from her chair, aware of the therapist’s intense gaze.

  Dr. Gena tapped her pen on the yellow legal bad beside her but didn’t look up. “How do you fare with change, Livia?”

  She shuddered visibly. Who was Dr. Gena kidding? Livia looked down at the beige carpet and blinked, speaking softly. “I don’t like it.”

  “Because you can’t control things.”

  “Yes.” Livia nodded and looked at her therapist. A cream-colored top stretched over the doctor’s figure while a pair of gray suit pants hugged motherly hips. Her hair was held up by pins, exposing a slender neckline. A little makeup helped take off years and the cool stare Dr. Gena gave her showed more wisdom than the average person. “Because I have no control.”

  Dr. Gena looked up from her notes and twirled the pen around her fingers. “Have you considered the idea that maybe you can ride the change, letting it take you to new experiences, while you control how you behave, how you respond to it?”

  Was her therapist insane? Livia wrung her hands together. “No.”

  “Then maybe it’s time you look into the idea of moving beyond what and who you think you are. If the dead no longer help you, then they only serve to weigh you down.”

  It became harder to breath suddenly. Her past wasn’t anything special, it just was. A life of fear of going outside, of being around other people, and not being understood.

  Dr. Gena rose and set a hand on Livia’s chin. With a little pressure, she tipped Livia’s eyes to meet hers. “You truly are a strong woman. You’ve survived a lot in your lifetime. I have some friends in Las Vegas I can recommend you to. It will be a shock to your system, but I think you’ll adjust pretty quickly, given what we’ve discussed in your sessions over the last few years.”

  She gasped, exhaling the breath she didn’t realize she’d held. The idea was ludicrous! Her? Move out of her sleepy, one-horse town and into a den of iniquity? She began chewing her lower lip. “You’re asking me to uproot my entire life? Here and now, to leave Colorado and move to Las Vegas?”

  Dr. Gena nodded. Her expression warmed and she cocked her head slightly to one side, offering compassion to Livia. “Some of the toughest things I’ve ever asked of you as a patient have brought about surprising results. You’ve made a home for yourself. You’re a successful artist. My male secretary no longer frightens you.”

  The corners of Livia’s lips turned upward. “Yeah.”

  “There’s the twinkle in your eye. You know you do that often when I’m right?”

  An eyebrow rose. “Yeah?”

  Dr. Gena nodded again. “Yup. Moving to Las Vegas will help you gain control over your life. As I said, I have some friends who can help you. I’ll make phone calls tomorrow and set things up. Besides, what you probably need is a good fuck.”

  Livia’s eyes widened in abject horror. “You want me to what?”

  Dr. Gena’s released Livia’s chin and sat back down. Her tone remained static though Livia detected a hint of amusement in her voice. “You need to learn the adult world now. You’re ready for this.”

  She couldn’t believe how nonchalant her therapist had just been with what she’d proposed. “You’re suggesting I go out and find a man. I’ve never done something like that and—”

  “No, I’m suggesting something I’ll set you up with. And the stranger will be vetted just like you will be.” Dr. Gena’s lips pursed together in a thin line. “Any man you’ll meet in Las Vegas will either be a charmer, a bastard, a drunk, or a cheater. At least with this service you’ll know ahead of time what to expect. You’re no virgin, but you’re new to life. And this experience will change you.”

  Her eyes narrowed. She stamped her foot. “I don’t want change. I want control!”

  The therapist leaned back and crossed one leg over the other. She met Livia’s gaze. “You’ll have total control. Trust me.”

  Livia continued chewing her lip. Thoughts spun around wildly in her head. What if she screwed up? She couldn’t possibly recover from embarrassment like that. She’d never had a good lover. The few she’d taken in the past had been mediocre at best. Since the last one two years ago, she hadn’t had another sexual experience.

  Dr. Gena continued, “It’s not the only way to regain control over your life, and learn to go outside of yourself. But it is a primal way. What,” she paused, tapped her pad, “I mean to say is that you’re an artist. Don’t you use life experiences to create? And haven’t you been in a slump lately?”

  Livia nodded slowly. She saw where this was going and hated her therapist for being right. “Yes, but those experiences I’ve been able to mimic. To pull from other sources—”

  Dr. Gena leaned forward, setting a hand on Livia’s shoulder. “And not get hurt in the process. Therefore you don’t learn, you don’t grow. Who knows? You might not get hurt from this.”

  Tension formed in Livia’s body.

  Her therapist’s light touch eased some of that stress from her. “I know you can do this.”

  Livia swallowed the lump in her throat. She could do this. She could regain control of her life, starting with sex. That made sense, right? Somewhere in the back of her twisted mind, it had to.

  Slowly, the doctor pulled away from Livia, running her hand through her patient’s thick brown curls before setting both hands on her shoulders. Then she looked her straight in the eyes. “I think you’re ready for the world, babycakes.”

  ***

  Two days later, Livia found herself in Vegas. Having filled out tons of paperwork, she’d submitted it to her therapist for approval and then found out it was to be sent to a Madame Eve, the woman who owned the matchmaking service she’d been told about. Within hours, a match had been found and scheduled to meet Livia in her hotel room.

  Vegas differed immensely from nondescript Colorado. For one thing, the city never seemed to sleep.
Walking down the strip, she noted the multitude of tourists, escorts, hookers, and finally those who lived in Las Vegas. Everything swarmed around in a hustle and bustle of what seemed like organized chaos and disorganized sound, though that could be because she wasn’t used to the loudness coming from the numerous casinos lining the Strip.

  Too bad the dry air was killing her. Murderous heat bore down like a heavy weight during the day and at night it wasn’t much better. In her hotel, she couldn’t get used to the air conditioner fully chilling the room to what felt like below freezing. Adjusting the thermostat didn’t help; the room was either too warm or too cold.

  She made her way back to the hotel and through the huge lobby where slot machines and gamblers made a lot of noise. At least she was only here long enough to find a permanent residence. Plus, if her date did go wrong, he wouldn’t have her address.

  Luckily her room was high enough above the noise that once she shut the door, she was free to enjoy peace and quiet. Her stomach rumbled. She sighed, set her purse down on the bed, kicked off her heels, and pulled out the desk chair out. Room service was a safe bet at the Castillo Resort; fuck, it had better be! The money she’d spent on coming out here to find herself and discover control didn’t bother her. Her therapist had taught her that all objects held value and if the object exchanged for money wasn’t worth it, then she should save her cash and spend it elsewhere.

  She still couldn’t believe Dr. Gena had suggested a one-night stand with a stranger. The thought frightened her despite the mountain of paperwork she’d had to fill out about herself. Her therapist reassured her that the match for her one-night stand would be compatible and not a psychopath.

  At least she would have tonight to herself.

  Sometime during the next day a man would show up to her room and orchestrate a scenario Dr. Gena had designed to help her move through her issues. She’d brought new lingerie, though she had no idea how she was going to seduce some man. She didn’t know much about sex, other than what she’d learned from porno. That had been an interesting session with her therapist, too. She probably shouldn’t have told Dr. Gena about the porno.

  She picked up the menu and a card fell out and onto the carpet. Curious, she picked it up and flipped it over. 1Night Stand. Fancy lettering and heavy cardstock displayed a phone number. Livia thought about canceling the appointment, but she’d already spent the money on her “date.”

  Something unfamiliar jolted through Livia’s body, causing a shudder. Was it excitement? An idea? As an artist, inspiration for paintings came from the pain inside, drowning blank canvases in sometimes macabre, sometimes beautifully sad colors. As a children’s author, she’d taken all that pain and used it to transform horror to acceptance, giving children everywhere something to relate to that reminded them they were innocent, and that the world wasn’t always cruel.

  The problem with her creative outlets was that they never forced her outside. Dr. Gena had told her on more than one occasion that she needed to leave the studio and see the world. Go on dates, get laid. Livia had dismissed her therapist’s ideas as moronic. The fear of another man having control of her body and doing what he pleased, with no regard to her feelings, thoughts, or approval, frightened her.

  But if consent was given….

  She groaned. How was she going to know whether to trust him or not?

  Maybe later she’d go down to the bar and have a drink. That’s what she needed, something to relax her after her flight. Her mind had been numb. The last few therapy sessions had focused on why she was drawing blanks, literally.

  “You have no life experience. You’ve been an artist in the truest yet least self-destructive way possible by being a shut in. Vegas will do you a world of good because it will force you out and fill that beautiful mind of yours. And unlike your pristine studio, it’s full of sin. I think it will awaken the vixen within.” Dr. Gena’s last words.

  Livia sucked in a breath and flipped through the menu. Too nervous to choose from the impressive list of main courses, she went for her favorite, an exquisite Spanish stew she was sure the staff at the Castillo Resort could handle. A half bottle of Rias Baixas albariño would accompany the dish, and she’d be set for the evening on food and drink. Before setting her credit card back into her wallet, she picked up the card for 1Night Stand and slipped it into her purse. Maybe she’d ask around. The creative part of her mind reassured her that it was for research, to help her create.

  Yeah. Right.

  After a filling meal and a glass and a half of wine, Livia made her way down to the casino bar where slots jingled and people mingled. Dr. Gena had told her to try and be more social, so the lounge near the lobby was the best place, right? She shook her head in frustration. How was this going to get her more freedom?

  Livia’s heels clicked loud enough against the tile, despite the myriad of people around her. She made her way through the crowd and sauntered up to the bar, brushing wisps of long, dark hair out of her face. Even though her stomach was full, her nerves buzzed. Being a recluse had its disadvantages. She didn’t interact and more often than not, she didn’t find herself sauntering up to anything, let alone to a bar for a drink.

  “What can I get you, lady?” A man with a handsome smile washed out a glass, then set it behind him. Dyed blonde hair had been cut clean. His green eyes stared at her with kindness, but the way his black jacket fit over the plumpness of his shoulders made Livia think of trolls for some reason.

  He didn’t come off obnoxious or overbearing.

  She looked down at the bar, pulled out her credit card, and slid it across to him. “I don’t know. I don’t normally drink.”

  “What if we start you off with something easy? You look like a wine drinker but there’s no good wine at this particular bar. Not without a hefty price. How about…I’ll whip you up something. You tell me if you like it.” He set his hand over her credit card and slid it back to her. “First one’s on the house.” He winked.

  Livia nodded and took her card back. She reached for her wallet and the 1NightStand card fell to the floor. Quickly, she bent to pick it up and put it in her purse before anyone saw it.

  The bartender poured the contents of his shaker into a tall glass. The liquid ran over ice cubes until it reached the rim. “Special concoction of my own doing. Try it.” He pushed the drink before her; his eye caught the card in her hand. A thick brow rose. “I see you’re here for some extra-curricular activities.”

  She froze.

  He held his hands up at his sides in defense. “I don’t make judgments. The Castillos are a unique brand of animals.”

  Livia’s shoulders slumped and she let out an exasperated sigh. “I was told I needed to get out more, see the world.”

  “Vegas is the place, kid. Try the drink.” He pushed it across the bar to her.

  She did. It was delicious, fruit and spice, with only a minute burn of alcohol down the back of her throat. A few drinks later, she found herself laughing with the bartender. He’d kept a respectable distance, didn’t make a move toward her. He felt safe. His name was James and he’d been in Vegas more years than she’d been alive.

  His eyes twinkled with amusement. “You’re telling me you’ve been a recluse all this time?”

  She nodded. “Mmhmm. I haven’t seen much of the world. In fact,” she felt a little light headed and giggly, “I’m still very new to a lot of things.” She set a hand on the bar, palm down and steadied herself. She wasn’t used to drinking. Every once in a while she’d have some wine but not often enough to teach her body how to handle liquor. Livia covered her mouth and yawned. She’d had enough of whatever James made for her.

  He tilted his head slightly, handed her a glass of water. “Perhaps when you wake up tomorrow you can take life by the balls and give it a good swift kick, Livia.” His smile warmed her heart.

  Her body thrummed with an energy she couldn’t quite understand.

  “You probably better call it a night. I made those last tw
o drinks a little stronger,” James whispered.

  She laughed and reached into her purse.

  He held up a hand. “No need. Tomorrow, you can pay for drinks. Go to bed.”

  She did just that. Tomorrow would be a scary day.

  Chapter Two

  A rapping at the door woke Livia. She’d dreamed all sorts of interesting things during the night and the memories hadn’t faded away yet.

  “Hold on a moment,” She sat up, rubbed sleep out of her eyes, and searched for her robe. The dark purple satin number she’d picked out one Christmas kept her warm and made her feel more feminine, more in tune with what she thought she should be. Sure, she had skirts and dresses, but she rarely wore those. Colorado wasn’t the place to wear anything short or flirty.

  The gentle knock sounded again. She slid out of bed, covered herself with the robe, and belted it tightly around her waist. She moved the bolt, unlocked and pulled the metal chain off the hook. Opening the door revealed a man dressed in a sleek black suit. Long dark hair had been pulled back into a ponytail. His body filled out the suit jacket and made him look bigger than he probably was. A black shirt stretched across a muscular chest. Black pants hugged powerful thighs. She peered down and could almost see her reflection in his dress shoes.

  He looked intimidating but smiled when he extended his hand. “Livia?”

  Part of her wanted to shrink away, deny her name, and hide under the covers. She had to do this though. He was just a person. A very tall, sexy man. She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. “I am. Who might you be?”

  “I’m Bruce. Your blind date.” Violet eyes roamed over her body and the corners of a pair of sensual lips curved up.

  Heat flared, causing her to blush. She noticed the way he stared at her body, his eyes focusing on the display of ample cleavage.